Honesty time, I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend. Which shouldn’t surprise anyone with it being Mother’s Day and all, but I thought I had this whole infertility thing under control.
Sometimes I feel like because I am not a mother, I’m not enough. Like I can’t understand something because I don’t have children. Like I am on the outside of some super secret club that I don’t have a key to get in to.
I don’t have the right to be tired. “You think your tired? Just wait until you have kids.” I don’t have the authority to help with marriages. “How can you help my marriage if you don’t know what it’s like to have KIDS in a marriage?”
I also have insane feelings of not being good enough at being infertile. Do I not want children bad enough to go through IVF. Is my desire not strong enough to be a momma if I don’t want to adopt?
As soon as these
thoughts lies start swirling around, God sends his messengers to bring me out of my dark places. My sister-in-law sent me this:
Boom. Exactly what I needed.
Guys, life is unfair. It’s going to be tough. God does not do anything that doesn’t have a purpose. I don’t know why we can’t get pregnant. There are no answers on earth why. But He knows. I have to trust that with my whole being.
I have to look at all of my blessings. My husband. I wouldn’t trade all of the babies in the world for him. If our life is meant to be a life full of adventures together, just me and him, then OK. That’s what we will do. My family, the greatest support system, my shoulders to cry on. My friends.
This morning my mom sent me this verse.
He is the rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He. Dueteronomy 32:4.
You guys have an amazing week!!! Go do something that someone with babies can’t do!