Goodbye Summer

I have to say, Labor Day weekend is entirely too short. I think ¬†a 4 day weekend would be much better ūüôā But since I don’t make the rules, back to work I go.

We spent the final weekend of the summer soaking up the sun at the lake house. It was a beautiful weekend and we took advantage. Lots of boating, wake boarding, surfing and relaxing!

I also got a WHOLE LOT of aunt Hay Hay time in. I have to tell you, being an aunt is one of my favorite things!! I mean…look at this kid.

We got to play in the water, read lots of books, and have epic bed time dance parties! Who doesn’t love a two year old?? I’m totally bragging, but he’s the best!

Here’s some other pics from our weekend! Wanna see something impressive? Here is my dad wakeboarding…way better than the rest of us might I add.

I am not sure what it was, but you could almost feel fall in the air. The water was just a bit cooler, and you could feel a hint of crispness in the air.

 

 

Great weekend wrapping up summer. PS…how cute is Piper gal on that paddle board?

Now…let’s get September going!! Only fun things ahead this month for us!

Have a great Wednesday, people!!

xoxo
HP

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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what defines you…

I have been listening to some podcasts lately, and this week I came across Lena Dunham’s podcast series “Women of the Hour”, specifically her episode title¬†Body.

She interviewed different women discussing¬†specific things about them that they may find troubling, things that they like about themselves, things that they have lived with their entire lives. She would wrap up each discussion by asking them a question, “Are you your…?” whatever it may be. “Are you your disability?” “Are you your hair?”

That got me thinking. What defines me?

Are you your infertility?

I would like to think not. I am a wife. A daughter. A sister. A friend. A child of God. A hard worker. A good nap taker. An excellent bottle of wine picker.

My biggest fear is that people only think of me as what I am lacking.

We were having a birthday gathering at work this morning, and I got so frustrated about something, that seems a little silly now, but it really got me thinking. We were all sitting around and two ladies ¬†were talking (mostly complaining) about their kids. Obviously this is not a bad thing, but I feel that whatever we¬†are talking about the conversation goes directly back to their children.¬†What they did to get in trouble, how busy they are, how tired they are making them. I came to the realization that I don’t truly know these women, that their entire lives seem to revolve around their kids.

Are you your children?

Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I hope to not one day be wrapped up in something so much that I lose everything about who I am. I hope that I will be able to hold an adult conversation that doesn’t revolve around school districts, and meet the parent nights and what is the appropriate age to buy my child an IPAD.

*side note. I don’t even own an IPAD. 3 year olds have IPADS these days….

I digress.

This question is something that we can ask of anyone, really.

Are you your job?
Are you your illness?
Are you your money?

The good news that I keep telling myself everyday is that my¬†identity doesn’t have to fit into one box, one category, one definition. No we haven’t been able to have a baby, but I am NOT my infertility. Yes I do like what I do for a living but I am NOT just my job. I do have a pup that I love but I am NOT just a dog mom. (JK on that last one…kind of.)

So here’s to defining out lives however we want, in as many different ways as we want, at any¬†time that we want!

xoxo
HP

Family is Best

Family is the best thing in the world. Can I get an amen!

This past weekend we had a family wedding. All of my cousins were in town, under the same roof for the first time in over a year. I don’t know how the rest of you do it, but this family knows how to party. We ate, we drank, we laughed, and we DANCED. We danced our little hearts out.

After the weekend was over, and the excitement died down, I realized that family is everything. We love each other, we support each other, and we know how to laugh together. Family is not always easy. Family can be annoying, disappointing, a little too much sometimes. But in the end, family will be the ones that are there. Every new person that we bring into the family just fits right in. My husband claims them as his own, for better and for worse ūüėČ

So here’s to my family. You guys rock!!

 

 

 

 

 

These are my monkeys and this is my circus.

xoxo
HP

Be Still…

If my life had its own theme, I believe it would be “be still”. Honestly, that would probably be the title of my life as well. Nothing has ever come quickly for me. Relationships, jobs, financial stability, marriage, baby.

I have had a blessed life. All of the waiting I have had to do has led me to some really incredible things.

With that said, I don’t like waiting. It’s not fun to be still.

I started this blog as an outlet to share our infertility struggles, and it has been amazing for me. I get to share all of our hard times, and hurts and also other parts of our life that are good! I haven’t touched on the infertility section of my heart in quite some time, so I feel like I owe it to this space to revisit that.

A year ago this month was the last time we stepped foot in our fertility doctors office. My blood test that showed that our IUI did not work was the last appointment that I had. We have been seeking answers, direction, anything at all to point us to where we are to go next in our journey.

Anyone want to take a guess as to what that answer has been.

Be Still.

I do not know why this isn’t happening. I do not know the reasons that everyone is getting pregnant around me, a few of them with the second while I am still trying for my first. I may never understand the reasons. And I have to be ok with that.

But when God tells you to be still, you do it. He has given me more peace in the past few months than I ever thought possible. We are enjoying life. Staying active. Staying positive.

That doesn’t mean I don’t have hard times. I get sad, frustrated, mad. I still want to be a mom, and I don’t think that will go away. But the peace and calmness that God has placed in that void gets me through every one of those emotions. It’s the peace that passes all understanding. And in that alone, I have hope.

“BE STILL and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

“Now then, STAND STILL and see this great thing the Lord is about to do before your eyes.”
1 Samuel 12:16

“BE STILL before the Lord and wait patiently for him” Psalm 37:7

“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”¬†Philippians¬†4:7

xoxo
HP

Workout Wednesday

Well guys, I’ve hit a snag in my new routine. I blame vacation. I blame the 3 migraines I had last week. I blame summertime and the fact that I would rather sit on a patio with a drink. I blame being tired from work.

Honestly, I should just blame being lazy. I was doing SO GOOD! Hitting my 3 workouts a week goal, and even getting one or two more in.

But then life got in the way.

I’ve got to find that motivation that I had before we left for vacation. I’ve accomplished one workout this week, and will really try to make it a point to get two more in. Two more tiny workouts to get back to my goal.¬†While we are talking about goals, yours truly has really decided to be on the see food diet. You know, you see it you eat it. All that has done is made my stomach feel yucky and fill my head full of regret. (except for the Taco Villa bean burritos I ate, there is never any regret there).

So, that is my workout update this week. I’m ready to feel good again. I’m ready to feel rested again.

SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

Well guys, I hope you had a great hump day! Only two more days left this week! We can do this!!!

xoxo
HP

Summer Vacation

Wow guys. I have been gone a long time. For the first time in 4 years we took an entire week off of work. We left on July 1 for the lake and did not get back in town until the 10th. It was AMAZING. I sure did pay for it though the week after I got back. Work was insane! Totally worth it!

Anywho, we went to my parents lake house for the entire time. The first part of the week my family was there for the 4th. We got to play, and sleep, and eat, and drink lots of beer, and shoot fireworks. They left on Monday and we spent the rest of the week in complete relaxation mode. We slept, a lot. Got a ton of sun. Ate some great food on the lake, and just really tried to disconnect.

It was just what the doctor ordered. Here are some pics from our week.

I feel like I am finally caught up!! Trying to get back into my routine, work and working out! It’s really nice to get away, but it’s also nice to get back to normal!

I hope you guys have a great day!!

xoxo
HP

 

Lake Life

WWWWHHHYYYYY can’t every weekend be a 3 day weekend? Even better….why can’t every week be a 4 day work week?

Sigh…grown up life is hard.

We spent our Memorial Day weekend celebrating with family at our lake house. I will never take for granted how blessed we are to have such an amazing place to retreat to! It’s about 3 and a half hours from where we live, which is the perfect distance for really feeling like we are getting away! We spent 3 days floating, wakeboarding, fishing and eating.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So this week I decided it’s time that I made a lifestyle change. I have to get this booty in shape. I spend way to much time in my swimsuit during the summer to not be spending some time at the gym. Plus, it just makes me feel better. So, I am committing to at least 3 workouts a week, and then more than that if we have some extra time!!

If anyone has some workout tips for a girl who is not entirely familiar with the weight room…I’m all ears!

Well, kids…I hope you have a great rest of the week!!

xoxo
HP

when your body says stop

Well, it happened. I’ve officially hit a wall. That invisible wall that pops up when I have pushed myself too far.

I am not sure if I have mentioned this before, but I have chronic fatigue syndrome. I know guys, it sounds fake. But let me assure you, it’s not. I was diagnosed at a young age with Epstein Barr. In other words..I have chronic mono. It comes and goes, usually worsened by stress. And guys, it’s NO BUENO right now.

I have zero energy. My short term memory is gone. I have enough mental capacity to get the minimum at work done…and even that is not going so well. I have lost complete conversations I have had with family members. I have made my husband think he’s lost his mind because I can’t remember simple things he has told me.

We love to travel, go to concerts, see new things, go out with our friends. But my body has said, STOP. REST. I need to get my body back to normal, and my brain back in working order!

So, this weekend is going to be just that. Quiet. Rest. Sleep. I can’t be more excited about that!

I hope you guys have a great weekend!!

xoxo
HP

 

 

You Matter

Honesty time, I had a bit of a meltdown this weekend. Which shouldn’t surprise anyone with it being Mother’s Day and all, but I thought I had this whole infertility thing under control.

Sometimes I feel like because I am not a mother, I’m not enough. Like I can’t understand something because I don’t have children. Like I am on the outside of some super secret club that I don’t have a key to get in to.

I don’t have the right to be tired. “You think your tired? Just wait until you have kids.” I don’t have the authority to help with marriages. “How can you help my marriage if you don’t know what it’s like to have KIDS in a marriage?”

I also have insane feelings of not being good enough at being infertile. Do I not want children bad enough to go through IVF. Is my desire not strong enough to be a momma if I don’t want to adopt?

As soon as these thoughts lies start swirling around, God sends his messengers to bring me out of my dark places. My sister-in-law sent me this:

Boom. Exactly what I needed.

Guys, life is unfair. It’s going to be tough. God does not do anything that doesn’t have a purpose. I don’t know why we can’t get pregnant. There are no answers on earth why. But He knows. I have to trust that with my whole being.

I have to look at all of my blessings. My husband. I wouldn’t trade all of the babies in the world for him. If our life is meant to be a life full of adventures together, just me and him, then OK. That’s what we will do. My family, the greatest support system, my shoulders to cry on.¬†My friends.

This morning my mom sent me this verse.

He is the rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is He. Dueteronomy 32:4.

Amen.

You guys have an amazing week!!! Go do something that someone with babies can’t do!

xoxo
HP

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