Plans

 

Hello my people. Long time no see.

All of a sudden I looked up and October is almost over. This life is just going by in a blink.

And at the same time, I am in the exact same place I was 4 years ago. 4 years ago when we made the decision that we wanted to grow our family. 4 years ago when I was in the same job, same office. 4 years ago I thought life would follow the picture perfect plan I had mapped out in my head.

Funny to look back at that girl and feel a bit envious. So much hope in that little 29-year-old heart. Knowing it may take some time, but not too long. Everyone else she knew had no problem, why would she. After a year, she never thought she could make it another. All of the baby announcements and shower invitations would surely do her in. But she made it. Then came year two and three. Everyone having their second babies. Us traveling and trying to enjoy every second of each other, because SURELY we were due our miracle soon. Right??

Year 4. I’m still here. I don’t cry EVERY time someone asks me about it. I don’t get upset at EVERY announcement or shower.

But I don’t think I can make it another year. And yet, I’ve said that before and here I stand. Thinking back on all we have done. On all we have been a part of. On my growth in faith and trust. God has carried me. Held me. Gave me the best support system. We can do this.

xoxo,

HP

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August…

Whoah guys. Where the heck did July go? How is it August already?

For most people, August is the beginning of a new school year. A fresh start. For me, August has a different feeling to it. August is the month that we start our fertility treatments.

This month we will do our first IUI. I’m excited. I’m hopeful. I’m really really really scared. I’m not scared of the IUI itself, I have already done enough research on that.  I’m scared of the thing you aren’t supposed to say when you go in for treatment…you know…the whole part about it not working.

I know that’s the enemy getting in to my thoughts, and I am fighting my hardest to fight against him.

So for now, I am prying for my first appointment tomorrow! One step at a time!

Here we go!!!

xoxo
HP

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Back At It…

Hi Guys!! Wow…I have really been slacking on my blog lately!! We had such a great weekend at the lake for the holiday weekend! I love the 4th of July!! Food, family, fireworks…can’t be it!!

I believe that it’s time for another brutally honest post.

I think the reason that I have been absent is because I thought I was pregnant. Seriously, a miracle pregnancy. I had so many early pregnancy symptoms. I am not even kidding, I felt it. I felt pregnant. I was to the point where I was looking up when my due date would be. I thought we would be one of those couples who could tell the funny story, “we went to our first fertility appointment and then got pregnant naturally.”

Well, I am not. You would think that it would make it a little easier knowing that we are already working towards our baby. We have already started all of the testing and taking all the right steps. It’s not easier. I am angrier this time than I have been. My faith is shaky right now.

Would you guys pray for me? I need my positive attitude back. I would like to have some sort of normalcy back in my life, not worrying or thinking about my fertility all the time.

I hope everyone has a great week 🙂

xoxo
HP

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The Next Step…

Happy Monday, ya’ll! I hope everyone had a great Father’s Day weekend. Ours was great…but so so busy! I am tired 🙂 Good thing we are heading to Vegas for a little vacay this week!!!

I just wanted to share a little bit about what we found out at our appointment last week.

I am not sure what I was expecting. I guess I was expecting to be able to sit down and talk about everything that has happened. To talk about how I was feeling and really let the doctor know the struggles I was having. I was picturing rainbows and butterflies and him telling us that we would all get through this, together.

Guess what, I went to a fertility doctor, not a counselor.

He was very matter of fact, straight to the point. We’ve been trying for two unsuccessful years, and we would need help. He’s been doing this for long enough to pretty much know what is going to happen.

We will test CP, they will do blood work on me, he may want to do an HSG, but most likely we will have start with an IUI.

It didn’t take very long to come to that conclusion, and I respect him for not running test after test just to see. I am glad that he didn’t sugar coat it and try to make me feel better, he’s there to get me pregnant.

So that’s where we are now. Waiting on a few results to see if that’s what we will do. I think I feel a little bit of relief about it. I am definitely happy we are starting to get answers.

I will keep you posted as we get closer to making more decisions. I hope everyone has a fantastic week!! I will take lots of pics from our little vacay to share with you 🙂

xoxo
HP

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You Can Do Hard Things

Featured imageThis seems to be all I can get out today. It’s a tough one. Just trying to prepare my mind, and my heart for my big appointment next Tuesday. The appointment that I am absolutely terrified to go to. Asking for prayers today 🙂 Prayers for comfort, and joy, and strength, and the peace that passes understanding.

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:6-7 

xoxo
HP

Blue Monday

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Do you ever want to just crawl in a hole and not have to see or talk to anyone…even for just like an hour?

That’s where I am today. You know it’s going to be a doozy when it’s only 8:30 and you have cried 3 times. Unfortunately, I have to be a grown up and work like an adult. What I really want to do is cry like a little baby and throw a fit.

I don’t really know why I am so emotional. I think when you are on a journey like so many of us are, you start to expect the worst. I am preparing myself for another disappointment this week. I hate living my life that way. I pride myself on always looking at the positive side of things. I like being the “Sally Sunshine” of the group.

But today…today I just don’t have it in me. I will shut my office door for a while, and cry if  I want to. That’s just where I am. I don’t know if it’s ok, or healthy, or if I’m handling things the right way. Honestly, I don’t really care.

So today I will pray for peace, and comfort, and strength. I am so thankful for a husband and family and friends that lift me up when I am down. I am also so thankful for this little space of mine that I can pour my heart out to. Thanks for listening to my pity party 🙂 Hopefully tomorrow I can come back with some jokes or something.

xoxo
HP

Happy Thursday, ya’ll!! I sure do looooooooooove a 4 day work week. It’s already almost Friday! Oh happy day!

The holiday weekend was pretty amazing! The lake is full, the sun came out, and we got to spend a lot of time with family! Awesome!

I have nothing new to report fertility wise. I feel like every time I come around here I am in the two week waiting period. So I am just trying to keep my mind off of that! My appointment is in less than two weeks, and I am so excited/terrified. Any words of advice for my first fertility appointment??

For now I will sign off on this dreary Thursday with some pics from our weekend 🙂

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Top pic is from February, Bottom is from this weekend!!!!!
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                       Sweet nephew kisses 🙂
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                               Sibling day!!
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                    Kayak King

Check ya’ll later!!

xoxo
HP

Happy Wednesday everyone!! Half way to the weekend already!!

This week has been a busy one, and I am thankful for that! It’s keeping my mind off other things that have swirling around in my  head. The first of them being the fact that the “waiting” period is upon me once again. ugh.

This weekend is mother’s day. I have three amazing mom’s to celebrate this year. My mom, who is by far one of the strongest, most loving women in the whole world. My sister in law, who is an amazing mom to the cutest nephew, ever. And my incredible grandmother.

It will also be the first mother’s day since my other grandma passed away, so celebrating without her will be tough this year. I miss her every day!

Also as much as I am fighting against feeling this way, I can’t help but think how much I want to be celebrating my first mother’s day. Last year at this time I just knew it would be happening for us.

So this weekend, I pray for all of the amazing mom’s out there. I also pray for all of us who aren’t mom’s this year. I pray that we can keep hoping, and I pray for strength. We will make it through! Trust that this waiting will bring some incredible things!

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Have a great day everyone!!

xoxo
HP

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