Double the Fun

2018 has been a whirlwind of a year. We started out in January with our first IVF appointment. In February I had a procedure and ordered all of my medication. We started the meds in March, and had our fresh embryo transfer in April. Two weeks later we found out we were pregnant. 3 days after that we learned it was a chemical pregnancy.

After all of that we kind of disappeared. We did some traveling. Enjoyed the summer and tried to decide what our next move was. I had shared so much of our journey up to that point, I decided to take a step back.

In July, we decided to go ahead with a frozen transfer. Our transfer date was July 30. We had 6 embryos frozen, and we decided to transfer two of them. The 10 day wait after our transfer were tough ones. What if it didn’t work again? What if it does work and then we lose them?

And then it happened. We got our miracle. Our two precious babies are due Spring 2019. We are over the moon and truly can’t believe this is really happening!!

 

Ok, babies. Let’s do this!

xoxo,
HP

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IVF fails…

The last time I was around these parts we were embarking on an exciting journey; we were about to start the meds that were going to help me grow as many little eggies as possible.

The injections weren’t as bad as I was expecting…although there were A LOT of them. The doc seemed to keep adding more and more. I had some bad migraines, bruising,  and a few days that I just didn’t feel well, but all in all it wasn’t so bad.

 

Everything went so smoothly. I made it through the retrieval, and turns out they were able to get 14 eggs. We received a call the next morning and found out that we had 13 embryos on day one. What a blessing!!!

The five days after that we kept getting good news. On day 3, all 13 embryos were still growing like champs. I was on cloud nine. We did a day 5 transfer, and when we showed up to the hospital, we found out that 8 embryos were still looking great. They picked the strongest 2 and transferred them right in. We loved those little embabies so much. We were ready for them to snuggle right in for the next 9 months.

*side note. They put me on this little pill to help combat hyper-stimulation. Let me just say, that tiny pill sent straight from the depths of hell made me feel worse than any other thing I had to take. woof.

The 10 days of waiting that followed the transfer were the worst. I had a work trip scheduled and tried to stay as busy as possible, but it was freaking tough.

On day 10 I went in for blood work a nervous wreck. The whole day I was waiting for bad news. Then we got the call. I will never ever forget the words my nurse said. “Halie, congratulations. You are pregnant!”

All I could do was laugh. Laugh at the past 4 and a half years that I had been dreaming of this moment. Laugh at all we had gone through to get here. Laugh because I just really couldn’t believe it.

I raced to Target, got the cutest stuffed elephant and a book for my husband, and shared the news with him. I will never ever forget the look on his face and how excited he was. It was truly one of my most favorite memories of my life.

We got to bask in the excitement for 3 days.

I knew something was off that morning of my second round of blood work. I was spotting and I just didn’t feel pregnant. A few hours after the blood was taken I got a call from my doctors cell phone. I knew that wasn’t a good sign. I had what they call a chemical pregnancy. The babies never settled in long enough to have a heartbeat.

So that’s where we are now. Heartbroken, trying to pick up the pieces. Trying to figure out what to do next. Too sad to think about doing another transfer. Too tired to muster up the energy to go again.

but the battle continues…

 

xoxo,
HP

Go Time

Well guys, IVF is here. The consultations have been had, the labs have been run, the insides have been checked, the meds have been ordered, and we start injections this  weekend.

Our first appointment was at the end of January. That’s the day we made the decision to go ahead with IVF. It’s a scary, intimidating thing to decide, and don’t let anyone tell you different. It’s not rainbows and butterflies, they are in the business to get you knocked up, and they don’t mess around. (hah)

Note: if you are not 100% ready for IVF, do not decide to go forward with it. It’s very stressful and very adult, all of the decisions you have to make and all of the things you have to talk about. If you are not both on board, I can only assume it would make it so much harder.

So, on the eve of getting this thing started, I’d just like to say how excited we are. I know my body is about to be put to the test, and we are about to do some things I never thought we would be able to do, I am just so excited to see what comes out of this!

Baby P, (or Babies P;)) you are already so loved. Now, grow strong, latch on and try not to cause us a lot of drama.

Let’s get going with these next 3 weeks. May I hold on to my sanity just a bit longer!

xoxo
HP

To my husband – you are a rock star. Thanks for going into battle with me. No way I could do this without you. (literally)

2018…let’s do this

I have been sitting here for a few minutes reflecting on the past year. What a year it was. We had some high highs and some low lows. We traveled, a lot. This summer was our #summeroffun. And man did we indulge. We also endured a tough loss over the holiday season. Plans were made. Plans were changed. And as usual, life forges on.

I love the new year. It’s clean. It’s fresh. There is something peaceful about knowing you can hit reset. It’s easier in the new year to start something new. Change things you want to change. Clean up. Clear out. Shape up. There are 365 days of possibilities ahead of you and it’s exciting.

So, 2018. Here we are 5 years into our marriage. The thing I treasure most. We work hard at it. We love big. We laugh and cry and talk and try and go on as many adventures as possible, and man have there been a lot of adventures.

But it’s time for another kind of adventure. The big one that has scared me to my core for the past few years. It’s funny how something I want more than anything is also the same thing that terrifies me.

We have been doing the same thing for 4 years with the same outcome. That’s the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?

So this year. This month we embark on something I have been against since day one. The thing I have been running from all along; we are going to try IVF. There I said it. It’s out there and I can’t take it back. God has led us to this decision and I have to put all of my trust that HE will be there, before us and with us and after us. He is already there. And in that truth, I can rest.

So, cheers to 2018. May it be our greatest adventure yet.

xoxo,
HP

Plans

 

Hello my people. Long time no see.

All of a sudden I looked up and October is almost over. This life is just going by in a blink.

And at the same time, I am in the exact same place I was 4 years ago. 4 years ago when we made the decision that we wanted to grow our family. 4 years ago when I was in the same job, same office. 4 years ago I thought life would follow the picture perfect plan I had mapped out in my head.

Funny to look back at that girl and feel a bit envious. So much hope in that little 29-year-old heart. Knowing it may take some time, but not too long. Everyone else she knew had no problem, why would she. After a year, she never thought she could make it another. All of the baby announcements and shower invitations would surely do her in. But she made it. Then came year two and three. Everyone having their second babies. Us traveling and trying to enjoy every second of each other, because SURELY we were due our miracle soon. Right??

Year 4. I’m still here. I don’t cry EVERY time someone asks me about it. I don’t get upset at EVERY announcement or shower.

But I don’t think I can make it another year. And yet, I’ve said that before and here I stand. Thinking back on all we have done. On all we have been a part of. On my growth in faith and trust. God has carried me. Held me. Gave me the best support system. We can do this.

xoxo,

HP

Summer of Fun

GUYS!! HI!! Is it real that I haven’t been around here since MARCH? What in the world have I been doing?

My apologies. I am back and ready to stick around for a while!!

So…spring. The season that I apparently just skipped out on completely. It was fine. Spring really isn’t my favorite if we are being honest here. I looked back on the pictures I took in March and April and it doesn’t look like you missed out on much. Oh, that’s probably because I BROKE MY STUPID FOOT. Guys, we were doing so good making it to the gym 3 days a week. I was feeling so good. Well guess what, dropping a 35 pound weight right on top of your foot will halt that progress quickly. It’s been a long recovery, and 2 months later I’m still not able to wear cute shoes.

*note. I actually dropped in on both feet…that’s why both feet are bruised. I just broke the green one though. Sorry if you gross out easily…or hate feet. 😉

Let’s see what else. Oh yeah, we have decided that we are tired of not having summers, so we are shaking things up this year and having ourselves a “Summer of Fun.” With a hashtag and everything. We got ourselves a country club membership that allows us all the golf and poolside we can handle. We have a bunch of fun trips planned. And we will wrap this summer up with a big 5th anniversary Mexican vacation in September!! Seriously, I am pumped.

We started it out a few weeks ago with a spur of the moment Dallas trip to eat at our favorite places, hit up our favorite bars and go to the Byron Nelson. It was AMAZING.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next few weekends were spent at the lake, playing golf and laying by the pool. I am all about the sunshine and warm weather this summer. Don’t yell at me guys, I’m wearing lots of sunscreen.

 

So, that about wraps up the recap and our fun plans. We have a little something planned for October…but more on that later.

Ok, it’s wine time! Can’t have a summer-o-fun with out some vino, amiright!

CHEERS!!
HP

 

Denver Weekend

Whew! Was that February that flew past us so quickly? What a fun whirlwind of a month! We decided in January that we were going to lay low, so when February rolled around it was time to get back out into the world!

We did a quick Dallas weekend to see some friends and have a fun cousin night on the town. We went to the lake for a little R&R. Then wrapped up the  month with an extended weekend in Denver for my brothers birthday.

I have been to Denver quite a few times, but we usually lay low or go up in the mountains to go skiing. This trip was a little different. We got a hotel downtown for a couple of nights and spent the weekend eating, visiting breweries and enjoying the city life. Denver is SO FUN, ya’ll.

We got there Thursday morning just in time for a HUGE snow storm to come through. Our winter here has been extremely mild so we were pretty excited to see some good snow! CPs dad lives just north of Denver, so we stayed there for a night. They just opened Breckenridge Brewery right next door, so we decided to check it out. Is there anything better than a good beer in the mountains? Seriously such a cool place. I can’t wait to check it out this summer when it’s warmer.

The next day we headed downtown to check in to the hotel and get ready to surprise my brother. He had no clue that we were coming! We  walked down the street to grab a table at a champagne bar called Corridor 44, they have the best happy hour specials. My bro and sis in law finally arrived, we yelled and screamed, he was shocked, and we could finally begin the party!! Shout out to my sister in law for such an awesome idea!!! The rest of the weekend was spent visiting breweries, bar hopping and eating great food! I definitely recommend Denver Biscuit Company for brunch and Denver Beer Co for some good beers.

 

Such a fun weekend with my all my favs!!

This past weekend we stayed at home. We worked so hard doing house work on Saturday, we decided to have a little fun on Sunday because the weather was so nice. We got some food to grill, invited some friends over, and played games outside all afternoon. A far cry from all of the snow the weekend before, but we enjoyed every second. BRING IT ON SPRING!!!

 

Everyone have a great week!! On the agenda for this weekend….LAKE TIME!

xoxo
HP

 

 

 

Left Out

Feeling left out is the worst. I think it starts out young. Being left out on the playground in elementary school, someone not including you in their group in middle school, not being invited to party in high school. Even as an adult I get hurt when someone leaves me out of their plans that I feel like I should be included on.

This whole infertility things brings about a whole new mess of feeling left out. I know that I am all in my head (and I’m really working on that) but when you are one of the only ones who hasn’t been invited join in on the baby parade, it starts to get really really lonely. I get it, you want to spend time with the people who are in the same life stages as you. But I have to tell you, I am starting to feel REALLY left out. I want to be able to have conversations with my friends about the stages that our kids are in, compare stories, be able to have something in common again.

I am so lucky that I have been able to meet people that are going through the same infertility struggles as me, but if I’m being honest I will be so glad to move on. I don’t want to be left out anymore. I want to be a little bit normal. I want to blend in with the crowd. I don’t want to have any more awkward conversations about not having children.

But until then, we just keep moving forward.

The Lord hears those who cry out, and he delivers them from all of their distress. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted, and he delivers those whose spirit has been crushed. Psalm 34:17-18

xoxo
HP

 

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